Examples to show how detachment strengthens relationships:
1. When a girl is married, she spends most of her life with her in-laws and husband. There may be some/ lots of difference in opinions between them. The girl might have felt hurt a few times. After a few months, when she goes to meet her parents, she cries out to them about her in-laws and their behavior.
Attached:
If the mother was too attached, she would also end up feeling bad for her daughter. She would support her daughter and blame the in-laws. She would also create a negative opinion about the in-laws and ask her daughter to behave indifferently towards them. Will this reaction of the mother help her daughter to lead a happy married life?? Will it help her to have good relationships with her in-laws??
Detachment:
Now if the mother was detached, she would understand that the daughter was right from her perspective and the in-laws were also right from their perspective. The way both were brought up, the way they think, their way of talking and interpreting things, their habits, etc are all bound to be different. Mostly, people do not hurt others intentionally. We take their words too seriously (personally) and create hurt. If the mother advises this way and sends her daughter back with loads of love and compassion towards her in-laws, it would help the girl to accept, understand and live a happy married life.
2. A husband and wife had planned to go for dinner. But the husband had a tough day at office. He had many issues (problems) and deadlines at work and had a tough time with his boss. So he returns home late night. Because of this, he gets mentally disturbed and orders his wife to cook something and serve.
Attached:
If the wife was attached to her husband, she would revert back harshly, like, “we had planned to go out for dinner 10 times and this time you promised that you will make it but failed. You should have at least informed me before or should have gone to some hotel and parceled our favorite dishes. You come so late and talk so rudely with me?? It was foolish of me to believe in you. You just don’t care about me; it is always about you, your work….. ”
Detached:
When the wife is detached, she will try to understand her husband, like, “Why are you a bit rude? What happened? You are generally not like this? Did you have a bad day today? Are you ok?? Just give me some time I’ll make it.” Or if the wife is tired, “can we order our favorite dishes from ABC hotel? I am also very tired today. Don’t worry, everything will be fine tomorrow.”
Which reaction of the wife would help??
“When we remain unaffected by other people’s negative talks/ behavior, we retain calmness and this helps us understand people and situations as they really are.”
When detachment makes life so meaningful, why do people term detached as being cold/ insensitive towards the need of family, friends and others? Especially people who are involved in spiritual discourses or who are a part of any spiritual organization are termed so, why?
This is because many of us do not implement our knowledge in the right perspective. Every spiritual organization teaches people to be calm, peaceful and happy. They teach us to change our inner self, i.e. remain emotionally calm, think only the good and so think less and be powerful- means, keep our mind in our control and not let it fluctuate as per our surroundings. But some people implement it externally, i.e. being very quiet, not involving in family related activities, blindly accepting all situations (happy/ struggles) and not responding to it in any way, with a false assumption that it was bound to happen and God will take care of it, discussing only spiritual based topics, etc.
“Spirituality is the truth and guides us in the right direction through simple means. The problem lies in how we interpret the knowledge we have learned and the means of implementing it.”
Excellent. Detachment truly helps. But how do we remain detached? During struggles/ challenging situations we are prone to get irritated, angry, stressed and hurt. How do we overcome this?
We need to understand that each one of us is filled with love, peace, happiness and compassion. In a family/ work place, it is the acceptance and love that binds us. Instead of always expecting others to understand us, we need to take a step forward and understand others.
“If others are rude or behave in an indifferent manner, at least, let us be calm.
If we consider others behavior to be wrong, at least let us be right.”
During such situations, we need to tell to ourselves, “I am a peaceful soul, I am filled with love, I care for him/ her, being peaceful is my nature, I am God’s own child and so am always compassionate.” Keep telling this again and again and try to find ways to calm the situation and solve issues in a loving manner.
When we practice detachment in this manner, we eventually get detached from our own weaknesses like anger, short temper, impatience, suspicion (doubting others), hurt, worry, stress, etc.
Never ever react at once during struggles/ challenging situations. We need to calm down ourselves, think peacefully and logically what needs to be done to bring about a positive result.
Now I understand that when we are emotionally attached to our loved ones, we end up hurting ourselves and complicate life. Detachment helps us to see people’s behavior and situations in a broader and deeper perspective. I will be detached from the influence of others emotions because it makes me calm and compassionate. Most importantly, it brings harmony and strengthens my relationships.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
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