RESPECTING PEOPLE : Respect the doer and not the action.

 What is respect?

Respect is “complete acceptance of people, irrespective of they doing anything, that I feel is not right”. Not being judgmental about anyone (not even the self), no blaming, no controlling, and no criticizing.

When we say “Accept people as they are”, we quickly get a thought as “So, should I allow them to do what they want, irrespective of whether it is good or bad? Should advices, suggestions, orders and guidance not be given to anyone?”

No, it only means, understand that people are different and they can have their own opinions/ choices. We need to split the person and their behavior.

Respect is within, what we think about each other.

A watchman can salute/ wish me physically, yet think, “oh no, why did I ever see this man”.

My colleague can wish me in the morning, “Good morning, so nice to see you”, but may think, “Think of the devil and here he comes”. Is this respect?

Respect is the image I create about someone and that image does not depend on that person, it totally depends on the purity of my consciousness. 

If I am pure, loving, positive and unbiased, I will have a good image but if I am in pain, hurt and negativity then I will create a very bad image of that person. So respect depends only on my state of mind and never ever on any person.

We have heard of a very strong belief, “Give respect and take respect.” Is this true? Is respect a commodity of exchange? Respect, love, trust, faith are all one way feelings, the moment I expect it from others, I lose it.  All feelings are our creation.

We (our behavior/ attitude) have become so dependent on others that we have lost our own personality because of them, as we blame them for our feelings. Like, if he behaves differently, I will get angry, if he cheats me then I will ruin his career, if he disrespects me, I will disrespect him too, if he is bad to me, I will also be bad to him.

When I say, “I respect my teachers”, it means I admire them, their qualities, I accept all that they say and I believe them. I will never be judgmental about them. At times if their deeds slightly differ from what I feel as “right”, I will try to understand them from their perspective and empathize with them.

When it is my kids, I expect them to respect me, but how can I expect when I don’t show them what it is? Parents need to respect their children and it only means to accept them as an individual.

Example:

Nowadays, before marriage, the girl and the boy spend time with each other, know each one’s likes/ dislikes and fall in love. In this beautiful period,

•     They accept each other, means, non judgmental/ not criticizing on the other person’s behavior (accept each one's behavior). 
•       They understand one another’s feelings
•       They respect each other’s opinions and at times adopt them too. 
•       They think absolutely the best for one another, make the other happy, 
•       They are ready to apologize for one’s mistakes, 
•       They value each other so much.

Here acceptance is more and expectation is less.

But after marriage, the two are bound to differ in their opinions and belief systems. In a simple case like if, the wife believes that black is an unlucky color and will not buy or use anything that is black. The husband does not believe this. Now, if he begins to get irritated because of his wife’s belief and forces her to change it and wears everything in black, will it work?  This is disrespect. The more we get judgmental on people and try to change them, we are rejecting them and the more we reject them, we are disrespecting them. Disrespect is not healthy in any relationship. Signs of disrespect: whenever we feel:

•       Why are you so erratic?
•      You are wrong, don’t you know even this?
•      Why do you want to dress/ talk/ eat/ sleep/ walk like this,
•      You are troubling me, you are irritating,...
•      You are always cunning/ lazy/ suspecting/...
•      You never understand/ listen/ care/ help/...

Never ever target the person. All of us are very pure and good within. The world is so beautiful because we all are different and so are our views/ opinions/ choices/ skills. We just need to understand and accept this fact. People/ kids are bound to make mistakes. We can empower/ encourage them and respond positively to correct them. This is respect. Respect the doer and not the action.

Does fear also means respect?

No never.  Fear is a very negative energy, it creates hatred. I cannot love a person I fear of. There is another belief “Fear God”. Should we fear God?  Respect is a positive energy, it binds a relationship.

Kids can obey elders out of fear or kids can obey elders out of respect. Which one would you prefer? When it is fear, they do listen and obey us, but only because, of the fear of punishment. When they respect us, they understand why they need to obey us and so they do it with love and commitment. They understand that we care for them.

       Is it right to expect respect?

The more we respect others; it will find its way back to us. We should be respected for what we are within and not for what we are outside (status, style, color, designation, education, etc).
If I have the power to accept anything, irrespective of the result, then I can expect, i.e. the result should not have an impact on me, if it has, then expectation will be the cause of my misery. Expect but have the power to accept the result.

Example: Expecting my child to score 95% and more. I can encourage, empower and prepare my kid to score high. I can tell my child, I know you will score above 95%, you can do it and it is so easy. But if I tell her, you should score above 95%, it gives a feeling to the child, that if you don’t score I’ll be unhappy, now it is no more concern and care, it becomes pressure.

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God, our supreme mother and father, the controller of the entire universe, our best friend, accepts us, no matter however we are, He loves and cares for us irrespective of our behavior.

GOD RESPECTS US, we are His own children, so can’t we? **************************************************************************************

To listen to a teaching regarding this blog, please click below: https://youtu.be/9mySxwQPlkU 

https://youtu.be/0LuG8KJ9g2c

THANKS A LOT